I am Not Superwoman…and that is okay!

Being a parent is perhaps the most humbling experience I have ever had.  There is no way to do it “right” 100% of the time and unfortunately the only way to learn is to do.  And to make mistakes.  So many mistakes.

Being  pregnant with my fourth child in 6 years has taken me down a notch.  I’ve never been one to ask for help.  I dread it.  I have a “I can do it all myself” attitude which has been both helpful and harmful.  But this pregnancy has shown me that while I can do many things, I can not do everything.  I need help.  I need a village.  I need people to watch my children once in a while so I can take a nap.  I need to accept help so I can attend my multiple ob appointments every week without a toddler asking every 23 seconds if its time to go home yet.  I need to ask for help so I don’t make myself sick.

Actual picture of me hiding from my children for a few minutes of peace.

A few months ago I got extremely ill.  I kept trying to power through.  I wasn’t really resting much, couldn’t shake the virus or whatever was dragging me down, and never asked for anything.  One day I fell apart and told my husband I needed to seek medical attention because I felt so awful.  I left with 4 prescriptions and an order to get some rest.  Within a few days I bounced back but I learned something; I matter too.  My needs are important.  My health is important.

Twice weekly non stress tests have become my quiet time.

The past few weeks have been filled with more doctor appointments than I care to mention.  Complications are creeping in and I am spending a lot of time tending to my own needs.  It has been incredibly difficult, and incredibly humbling to admit that I can not do it all.  I need help.  I am exhausted.  I love my children dearly but I can’t be everything to them right now.  I’ve had to ask friends to watch my kids so I could do simple things; like nap.  Ive had to ask family for help with mundane tasks.  I’ve had to hire a service to grocery shop for me because the idea of dragging 3 small children through the grocery store while this pregnant is just more than I can handle.  There have even been days where I’ve asked people to come play with my children because I simply couldn’t and they need and deserve that.

This pregnancy has taught me that it is okay to make my health a priority.  I can run myself into the ground doing everything for everyone or I can find balance by drawing healthy boundaries and reaching out for help as needed.  I feel much better both physically and emotionally when I seek out balance.  Having small children will always mean that some of my needs go unmet, but it no longer will mean that everyone else’s needs are always more important than mine.

I am a great mom, but I am not supermom.  And more and more I am feeling like that is alright.  I don’t need to be supermom.  My children are loved, they are well cared for, they are happy, their basic needs are met and most of their wants are met also.  My relationship with my husband is becoming more of a priority as I realize that our children are important but so are we.  And lastly, my relationship with myself is becoming more important as I learn that when I go to bed each night I am still Nikki.  I may wear 15 different hats during the day but at the end of it all I am still myself and that person matters just as much as anyone else.

I recently posted a meme on the Rumina Facebook.  It said “You were someone before you were their mom, and that person matters.” I can’t  be the best mom if I’m not paying attention to also being the best ME.  Realizing that I am a good mom even when I ask for or accept help has been key to surviving this pregnancy and key to continuing to be the kind of parent, person, and wife I strive to be.  I don’t have to be everything, I just have to be me.  And that will always be enough.