Toddler Parenting Struggles

People who aren’t close friends often ask me how I have so much great advice and tell me how I seem to really have it together.  Well, prepare to have you mind blown, I really don’t!  The truth is that I am a total hot mess 99% of the time.  I struggle with self-doubt, I’m ALWAYS running late, and I struggle with finding time for self-care.  The blog posts that you read here are mostly based on my own experiences and I find joy in helping others to succeed in places that I have struggled.  This is why I have decided to get personal with this post and tell you about the struggles that I am currently dealing with in my real life.  If you are struggling too, you’re not alone and I hope that you find solidarity in this post.

Being a toddler mom is SO hard.  Not just hard in that they NEVER stop moving but emotionally hard and completely exhausting.  Lately, every day is a struggle.  This isn’t to say that I don’t love my son! I do – more than anything!  But… I don’t love his recent behavior.  I wake up to my toddler poking me in the face and/or yelling.  We transitioned him to a toddler bed just after Christmas and now he can leave his room on his own when he wakes up.  So I open my eyes and there’s my toddler announcing that he is ready to start his day (and usually that he has poop in his pants.) I am NOT a morning person so while this is not the worst part of my day…. It’s definitely not ideal.  I have to admit that I miss the days of snuggling with a baby in bed.  Now, I’m lucky if my toddler will watch a little bit of TV in our bed before demanding to be fed breakfast.

Breakfast is another thing all together.  My toddler is obsessed with his newfound sense of independence and most days insists on helping to get his own breakfast (usually yogurt) out of the fridge and to pick out his own spoon.  He insists on getting into his booster seat by himself and helping to open the yogurt container.  While I appreciate his efforts to do things on his own, we often have meltdowns over things like his favorite spoon color being in the dishwasher.

Oddly enough after breakfast his independence seems to disappear and he suddenly needs my husband and I to entertain him.  He dislikes playing by himself and if one of us needs to get something done he will follow us around or run circles around us which is not only aggravating but also dangerous as he doesn’t watch where he is running and often runs directly into doors and tables.  My guess is that this might have something to do with the fact that I am a stay and home mom and my husband works from home. From day one, my son has never been alone due to the nature of our small home and he has gotten use to that.  Unfortunately this also means that he is constantly underfoot.  The balance between his neediness and independence is constantly teetering back and forth over some invisible line and it’s completely exhausting.

In addition to that he is constantly testing the boundaries and likes to do “naughty” things just to see what will happen!   On several occasions he has even picked up his play telephone to “call” one of his grandparents to tell them about how naughty he is being.  I feel like I am constantly yelling at him to stop doing something and to please play with his toys.  Last week in a moment of total frustration I called my sister who is a social worker (working with children) to ask her what I was doing wrong as a parent to cause my child to be totally out of control.  After explaining to her what he was doing she told me that she deals with children like him all the time and thankfully told me that I wasn’t doing anything wrong.  She told me that some kids are just challenging!  She affectionately called my son a “sour patch kid.” A kid who is sweet and loving one minute but two seconds later kicks you in the shin and yells at you for trying to give him a hug!  She gave me a few strategies to try and told me to hang in there.  I appreciated that call more than she knows.

Of course my husband and I love our son but we get so frustrated with our son choosing not to listen to what we ask.  By the time that he finally goes to bed (which is another struggle all together) we are both mentally and often physically exhausted.  Unfortunately by this time our patience is usually tried to the max and we aren’t as patient and understanding with each other as we would like to be.  It’s a brutal season in both our marriage and as parents.

So what do we do?  Well, by no means do I have the answers.  It’s literally a DAILY struggle.  Here are a few things that seem to be helping though.

1. I try to take our son out of the house to either run errands or to a scheduled playdate/children’s activity at least 3 days a week.  Generally speaking, my son’s behavior is better when we are out of the house.  He’s always been this way since he was a baby.  I used to joke around that he “showed well” but there’s some truth to that.  Maybe it’s because he is kept busy or maybe it’s because he is with other people but whatever the reason, he generally behaves better.  This is not to say that his behavior is perfect though. We still struggle and I often feel embarrassed when he throws tantrums in public over things such as – not being allowed to check out a movie that we already own out at the library.
2. On Thursday each week I take my son to a program called Mastering Motherhood. This program has literally been a saving grace.  It consists of an inspirational speaker about the challenges of being a mom, a brunch, and a book group.  The best part?  There is free childcare during the program where my son can go and play with other kids while I get a break to drink my tea while it’s still hot and recharge my batteries a little.  That probably sounds horrible to some of you but as a stay at home mom, sometimes just having that two hour break is what I need to refocus my mindset and make it through the rest of the week.  It’s also a chance to talk to other mamas who “get it.”  In addition, my book group is reading a book called Triggers.  It’s about trying to become a mom who yells less and while I’m struggling with it, it’s giving me a few ideas of where to start trying to make changes.  If you have a program like this in your area I highly recommend checking it out.  My son loves playing with the other kids and we both look forward to going each week.
3. My husband and I are trying to make a more conscious effort to connect with each other. We try to be more present at least a couple of times a week – watching a movie together with no other distractions or playing a game together.  We have also tried to plan a few date nights although that can sometimes be difficult since we don’t have any family in the area (to help babysit) and there’s also a limited number of “date” night activities to do in our area.  One of our favorite things to do is to feed our son dinner, put him to bed, and then get takeout and have a dinner and movie night date at home.  We don’t have to worry about getting a sitter and we can actually enjoy the dinner.  The best part is that last year we discovered that our favorite local restaurant offers their entire menu for takeout so we can order a nice dinner to enjoy at home not just always pizza or Chinese (although we do enjoy those too).
4. I try to remind myself that these challenges will pass in time. I try to remind myself that I am doing a good job because I care about doing the best I can.  I try to take things one day at a time.  Sometimes it feels like an hour at a time and that’s OK!  I have written many posts about giving your self grace and it’s often hard for me to take my own advice but it’s always easier said than done right?  I’m not afraid to admit that I’m a work in progress.  I’m trying to be nicer to myself and trying to be more intentional with making sure I also set aside some “me time.” One of the speakers at my Mastering Motherhood group recently talked about not being able to “give from nothing.”  If there’s nothing left in your proverbial tank, there’s nothing left to give but anger, resentment, and frustration.  This really struck a chord with me because it’s true.  When I’m well rested and have had a little bit of time to recharge, I am a much more calm, patient, and loving wife and mother so I try to remind myself that taking that time for me isn’t selfish.  It’s necessary to be the best version of myself.

Are you struggling with your parenting right now? Do you have any strategies that you recommend? Share them with me in the comments!  It takes a village.

“Helping” mom shop at the grocery store