5 Years

Just this past week my firstborn son turned 5.  It still feels strange to type that out.  If you are reading this post on the day it publishes you will probably be reading it while I am attending his preschool graduation.  I didn’t even know that preschool graduation was a thing!  The past year and a half feel like a complete blur due to COVID and if I’m being honest, the 3 before that do not feel that clear either.  When “they” say that the days are long but the years are short, they aren’t joking.  I can’t believe that in just a few short months the little boy who made me a mom will be in Kindergarten.  With each passing day, he gets more independent and continues to amaze me with his energy but it’s not just my baby who is growing and changing – I am too.

Reflecting on the last nearly six years (from the time that I discovered that I was pregnant with my first son) I can’t help but notice how much my life has changed. Not only has my life changed, but I have changed.  Gone is the blushing bride who once fit into a pair of size 6 jeans and spent an hour getting ready for the day.  Gone is the young woman who got up early to make her husband’s lunch and see him off to work.  Gone is the woman who dreamed of children but had no idea what she would be getting into.

In the place of that naive young woman is a mom who might not have quite as much spring in her step due to lack of sleep, who tries to avoid getting out of bed before the baby wakes up at all costs (sorry hubby you’re on your own), who probably has makeup smudged on her face from the day before, and who definitely can’t even fit into a size 10 – never mind a 6.  But, this new version of me has learned so much.  I know more about myself than I ever did before.

I know more about love than I ever thought possible.  Even on the days where I feel like I might not make it until bedtime, I would do anything to protect my boys.  The phrase “mama bear” has taken on a whole new meaning and I’m no longer afraid to make noise or stand up for what’s right when it comes to my children.  When I married my husband I thought I would never experience love as deep as the love I had for him that day but my children showed me how much capacity we have to grow and love.  Our hearts grow with each member of our family and somehow there is always enough love to go around even when it seems impossible.

I have also come to a new realization about what’s most important to me.  Looking perfect or fitting into a size 6 is far less important than making sure that my kids are happy and succeeding in conquering the challenges that they are faced with.  It’s easy to get wrapped up in our material world and social issues at hand but at the end of the day family is more important to me than anything else.

While there are definitely things about myself that I would love to change or improve, on the whole, I’m proud of the mother that I have become.  My children are gifts from God to teach me about myself and about love.  Some days are challenging but no matter what, my children will always have me in their corner supporting and fighting for their well-being.  Happy Birthday little boy.  I can’t wait to see where the world takes you. <3