Learning About My Child
If you have been following my past blog posts you know that my three year old has been quite a challenge lately. (Read more here!) Preschool has been a Godsend to our family and my son loves it there. His teachers are amazing. Remember, if you need info on preschool you can check out my posts HERE and HERE. Last month, the director of our preschool held her first round of parent/teacher conferences. I love that they do this even though my son is only 3. The high level of communication between all of the teachers and parents means that we can all work together to benefit our children!
To be honest, I went into the conference expecting to hear what a handful my son is. After all, I know how much of a struggle it can be at home to get him to cooperate. However, part of me was hopeful that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad… people often tell me that they love my son and his big personality. I joke around about my son “showing well” but there is truth in that… he is much better behaved with other people and out of the house than he is with me.
In the end, I was pleasantly surprised by how the conference went. As expected there were a few areas that the director identified as areas that my son needs to work on, such as following directions and being more receptive to the needs of others (rather than just his own) but she also praised my son for his enthusiasm and intelligence. I knew my son was smart but I didn’t realize how insightful he could be when he not trying to use his intelligence to manipulate the situation.
In addition to outlining my sons’ strengths and weaknesses for me, the director was also able to offer me some really valuable insight into how my son thinks; things that I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t figured out of my own. Sometimes it truly takes an unbiased 3rd party to help you see what is right in front of you.
The first thing that the director shared with me is that apparently my son is a very black and white thinker. Activities like pretending to be an animal do not keep his attention long because he find them ridiculous. Instead he would much rather work with tools and do hands on activities trying to figure out how things work or fit together. I could never understand why he could never just sit and play with his zillions of toys at home (like his trains or little people). Don’t get me wrong, he WILL play with them but more often than not he needs someone to play with them WITH him and often wants to reenact scenarios from stories we have read or TV shows he has seen. In hindsight I feel a bit guilty about getting angry with him for having a hard time “playing pretend” when it turns out he wasn’t TRYING to be uncooperative, it just happens to be an area that is difficult for him. I actually even thought that maybe I was just playing with him wrong… I admit that I often have a hard time playing trucks and trains after a lifetime of playing house, dress-up, and Barbie dolls.
At first I was a bit skeptical since the director claimed that he does really well with Legos, blocks, and other building/investigative toys. At home, he seems to struggle just as much with these types of toys as the others! That’s when the director shared something with me that totally blew my mind… she told me that since my son struggles with imaginative play, if he is simply given a box of Legos he gets overwhelmed because he doesn’t know what to construct. But…. If she gives him a pattern or a picture of something to make… he can create it! I had no idea! Turns out my son just needs some extra scaffolding to inspire his creativity! I shouldn’t be surprised by this revelation, after all I am very much a directions person. I have a hard time coming up with craft projects off the top of my head and my husband despises small talk. I feel like we should have recognized our own struggles in our son but we were totally oblivious assuming that all kids like to play pretend.
The director also shared with me that my son loves science experiments and even non-fiction books (which according to her, most other kids his age are less interested in). In the same respect, she shared that he struggles with the fine motor skills that are required for coloring and writing. Again, I could never understand why he hates to color at home. Turns out, it’s because it’s difficult for him, and that’s OK! Not every kid loves to color! Although I’m disappointed because I like to color, I understand now why he likes paints and other “messy crafts” which drive me nuts…. They use larger arm motions and are physically easier for him! This also explains why he LOVES to bake with me! Baking is a little bit like science!
Now that I have this extra insight into my son, I feel miles more prepared to help him be a happier, less frustrated kid. Sure, it also means that I need to change the way I approach some things in our house and that is going to be a process for us both but we are learning from each other and I am trying to make an effort to be more receptive to his needs. I am already seeing some minor changes in my son and that is heartening! I can’t wait for our next parent-teacher conference. The more I learn about the child I have, the better parent I can be.
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