Single Moms and Military Spouses

For those who don’t know my background… when my husband and I were married, he was an active-duty soldier in the United States Army.  He served in Iraq just before our wedding and then spent a year in Korea a little over a year later.  When his original contract was fulfilled, my husband switched over to the army reserves instead of active duty.  We were told that he would be doing mostly stateside missions – meaning that he would be working on projects from the United States – and for quite a long time this was true.  But then, government plans and ideas changed and my husband was told about a year ago that he would be deployed to the Middle East to support a mission already in progress there.  For a while, we hoped that plans would change again and he wouldn’t have to go but eventually we had to come to terms with the reality that my husband would be leaving me and our two children for a year.

When the initial panic and denial wore off, I launched myself into planning mode.  I am a planner by nature.  I like to know what’s coming and I do not do well with change. To be honest, I was highly skeptical of my ability to single-parent our children and do a good job of it.  I had to continuously tell myself that no matter what, my best would be good enough and that we would be OK.  I knew my parents would help but they live in another state and wouldn’t be able to be around for the entire duration of my husband’s time away.  I also worried about how my children would adapt to my husband’s absence.  I felt a heavy need to hide my own feelings about the situation in order to protect my children from them and to help them feel secure.  I’m not sure how well I did.

A few weeks before deployment day, my husband and I took both boys to Build-a-Bear and helped them each create a “Daddy Bear.”  My older son (5) picked out a stormtrooper outfit and a military uniform for his bear and we choose a cuddly hoodie with the logo of my husband’s football team on it for my one-year-old’s bear.  My husband recorded a personal message to each boy to go inside each bear assuring each boy that he would be back and missing them too and that all they needed to do to feel close to him was to give “daddy bear” a hug.  The kids were thrilled but I have to admit that it was a difficult day for me emotionally.  The baby instantly fell in love with his “daddy bear” and carried it around the house with him.  It was both adorable and heartbreaking to watch.

I launched myself into making lists of things that needed to get done before my husband’s departure and into organizing all of the family responsibilities into my MomAgenda planner.  I was determined not to forget anything down to taking out the trash (which is normally my husband’s job) but I also felt completely overwhelmed.  Luckily my parents flew out to help with the transition and when they arrived my mom set to getting my house into tip-top shape.  She helped me clean up the clutter, dust places that haven’t been dusted in …years… and even managed to get both of my kids to eat things that they wouldn’t have touched previously and got the baby onto a manageable sleep schedule.  To say that she is amazing would be an understatement.  I was beyond grateful but also struggled to keep up.  My mom is like an energizer bunny and in comparison, it’s as if my batteries are barely charged haha.

I knew that being a “single” parent would be hard but nothing I imagined was really accurate and it’s hard to describe all of the feelings and emotions that I experienced.  Those who are single parents or fellow military spouses deserve so much more credit than I ever dreamed.  Being a mom is so hard but being a single mom is ten times harder!  I often felt like there just wasn’t enough of me to go around.

Then, just as I felt like I was finding my groove (so to speak) I found out that the army had decided that they didn’t need my husband and that he would unexpectedly be coming home.  My world turned upside- down all over again.  I was glad my husband was coming home but also conflicted because I finally felt like I was hitting my stride and his coming home would change our household dynamics all over again.  The amount of change in such a short time was staggering and my anxiety went through the roof.  But, I took one day and I time and here I am on the other side.  My family is still adjusting but we are finding our “normal” again but I know everything is going to be OK.  I realize that we are so lucky.  This story could have ended much differently and on a far less positive note. I’m grateful and want to personally send love and support to each of the mamas out there fighting to parent children on their own.  You are amazing and even when life seems overwhelming – know that you got this and you ARE enough for your kids no matter what happens.  You are amazing.

Image Courtesy of Proud Happy Mama