Birthdays

Last week I celebrated my birthday.  The night before I was lying in bed waiting for my one-year-old to fall asleep and I started thinking about how much my view of birthdays has changed since I became a mother.

When I was a child I remember looking forward to my birthday because it was the one day when it was ok to want everything to be all about me.  Since my birthday is in the summer, my parents threw me some amazing, themed birthday parties.  I remember one year they threw me a big luau-themed party and another year it was a princess party complete with fancy dresses, a photoshoot, and a Cinderella cake.  In hindsight, I was incredibly lucky and honestly – a bit spoiled.  My mother always made me a homemade birthday cake and made me feel like I was the most important person on my day.  I also remember two separate occasions when we ended up having another family commitment on my birthday and I remember feeling upset and unappreciated because it wasn’t all about me that day.  Looking back, boy was I entitled.  I had no right to be upset that I wasn’t the center of attention and wow, did I think I was all that and a bag of chips.  If I could go back and talk to my teenage self I think I’d have a few choice words to tell myself on those days.

Later on, in college, birthdays became a chance to go out dancing and to have parties.  It was “go big or go home” and we definitely enjoyed ourselves.  We spent hours in front of our mirrors getting dressed up and doing our hair and makeup and then felt the need to announce our celebration to anyone who would listen.  Man, we must have been obnoxious.  I sincerely apologize for my college-age self.  <insert face-palm here>

When my first son was born, my perception of birthdays was completely turned upside down.  My son’s birth day changed my life forever and each year on his birthday I am reminded of how I felt that day when I first held him in my arms.   I marvel at the life that I brought into the world.  I silently thank him for changing my life and making me the woman I am today.  I’m sure my now 5-year-old doesn’t have a clue about any of these things that go through my head on his day and he can barely contain himself with his own excitement about his cake and presents.  I do my best to make him feel like he is the best thing in the world on his day and give him memories that he will never forget.  His birthday is about making him feel special as a way to thank him for choosing me to be his mother and for me to reflect back on how he has shaped my life.

Fast forward to my own birthday in the years since I became a mother.  As much as I enjoy having a day where I get to feel special – and who doesn’t right? – I feel like my birthday really shouldn’t belong to me.  I feel like my birthday should actually be like a second mother’s day.  I feel like I should be celebrating and thanking my mother for bringing me into this world and raising me with the skills and values that I would need to become a good mother myself.  I think that I should be sending my mother a thank you note on my birthday rather than accepting yet another gift from her and a lovely phone call – I don’t feel like I deserve them.  My mother deserves everything.

Am I the only one who feels like motherhood has changed my view on birthdays?  Mothers deserve so much more credit than they receive and I feel like much of their hard work and sacrifices happen behind the scenes.  It’s not until we become mothers ourselves that we understand the true meaning of birthdays, celebrations, and love.  Happy Birthday, summer babies!!! <3

Copyright Sandra Boynton