Growing Your Family
One of the topics that pops up in my mom groups (both in person and on Facebook) all the time is how to know when the time is right to grow your family. When do you know it’s the right (or wrong) time to add another baby? The tough part about this question is that it’s different for every individual and every family. There’s really no right or wrong answer. However, the suggestions below may help you to decide if the time is right for you.
What are you reasons for wanting another child?
Recently, when this question was asked in one of my online moms groups, someone suggested to the original poster that they would never regret adding another child to their family but could possibly regret NOT adding one later. While I agree with this sentiment to an extent, I think it’s important to consider why you are considering another baby. Are relatives or friends pressuring you to have another? Are there lots of other people around you announcing pregnancies? Are you just missing the baby stage that your toddler or older child is no longer in? Are you simply missing those cuddly baby snuggles or are you really interested in raising another child and open to all of the challenges that come with that. Don’t forget that snuggly babies also come with sleepless nights and the like! Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to talk you out of another child but if you want to grow your family it should be for the right reasons. For my husband and I, we have always discussed having more than one child in our family (we both have siblings ourselves) and want our son to grow up with a sibling. We also feel that adding to our family will be helpful not only for my son to have a built in playmate (when our second child is older of course) but also in that it will teach our son that (unfortunately) he can’t be the center of attention ALL of the time. My younger sister and I were best friends and playmates when we were young (despite the four and a half year age gap between us) and those memories are some of my childhood favorites. I want my son to have those memories too.
Age Gaps
If you have children already, it may be important to you to consider how old those children are and what the age gap between your existing children and “maybe baby” would be. Some people prefer to have children closer together and others prefer them to be spaced further apart. This is totally up to you and your family. Having children closer in age could mean that they may have more in common or could be involved in the same activities which could make your job easier as a parent but it can also create more competition between siblings and of course having two young children can be more challenging than having one young child and one older one who might be able to help with a younger sibling. Having children further apart can make the childhood years easier but may be more difficult later when you have children in completely different activities; potentially at conflicting times. In many ways these choices are six of one/half a dozen of the other but they are important to discuss with your spouse before deciding what is right for your family. For my husband and I, we originally wanted our children spaced roughly two years apart. However, once my son came along, that quickly changed. I found that when my son was a year old (when we would have considered trying for another) I had no interest in another one yet. My hands were full as it was. My son was challenging and I just couldn’t imagine adding another pregnancy or baby to the mix yet. I felt this way until our son turned roughly two and half and I finally felt ready to take on the challenge of another child.
Are you up for another pregnancy?
Another factor to consider is your ability to handle another pregnancy both mentally and physically. How were your previous pregnancies? As I mentioned before, when my son turned one, I felt nowhere near ready to face another pregnancy or parent another newborn. My first pregnancy was fairly smooth but there were a few glitches along the way and I knew I’d have less energy and likely less patience to deal with my toddler’s antics. Physically, your age and physical toll from past pregnancies could play a role here. Are your doctors on board with you having another child? Is it physically safe for you to do so? Having children less than two years apart can be particularly rough on your body. Your body may not be fully recovered from carrying your first and adding a second so soon could cause additional complications that might not be an issue if you wait. This is not to say that it’s impossible to have children that close together, or to discourage you from doing so. I am only suggesting that you take this factor into account if you are on the fence with your decision. If you had a difficult pregnancy in the past, are you ready to potentially face those trials again? Do you have the help and support to care for your other children should you end up needing bed rest or even just a break from parenting your other children? Keep in mind that every pregnancy is different and that every woman is different but taking these considerations into account may help you to decide if the timing feels right.
Financial Considerations
Lastly, I’d encourage you to look at your financial situation before deciding if or when to add another child to your family. Of course money doesn’t buy or guarantee happiness but babies do not come cheap and if it would put a financial strain on your family to grow it bigger, this may not be the perfect time. Even if you have a lot of baby things from a previous child, your newest addition could be of the opposite sex or born in a different season so there is no guarantee that you will be able to reuse everything. You might also want to consider your pregnancy insurance coverage. Many of the new insurance plans have very high deductibles and it’s better to be aware of impending costs that to be blindsided by them.
At the end of the day, there probably isn’t ever a “perfect” time to grow your family. There will always be something that comes up that will probably be a challenge or put a glitch in your plan. I always joke around that every time that I make a plan…. God laughs. But, if you carefully think through your choice with your spouse hopefully you can feel good about your decision. Don’t base your decision off what is right for your friend or the wants or pressures from other family extended family members. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty about your choice either. The choice to expand your family or not is a very personal one and should be one made by you and your spouse alone. My husband and I are happy to share with you that we have decided to grow our family and are expecting a new addition this winter. Are you thinking of joining us on this journey? Share in the comments <3
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