Learning To Matter

Toddlers are demanding creatures. They want what they want when they want it. More often than not that is RIGHT NOW. “Give me a few minutes” means nothing to them. A few minutes is an eternity. A lifetime. If they can’t have it now they will never get it.

This makes breastfeeding a toddler quite difficult.

My 18 month old is going through a particularly demanding phase. He wants to be latched 23 hours a day. The only time he doesn’t is if he’s eating something else. If I ask him to wait a minute he throws a full out tantrum. Wait is just not something he can handle at this point in his development.

Unfortunately (for him) sometimes mommy needs to go potty, or eat, or tend to his older sister. Sometimes he has to wait. And I’m learning to be ok with the reaction that occurs. My child is not starving for anything, food, love, attention. His needs are constantly met.

I struggle with needing to be everything to everyone. I often ignore my own very real needs to fill the needs of those around me, including my son. As I do this mom thing a little longer I learning that I matter too. I am not a bad mom if I ask my 18 month old to wait to nurse because I need to eat lunch. I am not a bad mom for limiting his night nursing because I enjoy sleep. I am not a bad mom because sometimes I can’t be everything to everyone. Just as my son is learning to wait I am learning to treat myself with grace. I am learning that in the hierarchy of needs, mine do not always need to be on the bottom.

Toddlers are demanding creatures. And I firmly believe in meeting their needs as I am able. The able part is important. Moms matter too. The world (toddler) will not implode if he doesn’t get milk THIS.VERY.SECOND despite what his reaction may convey. Meet your toddlers needs, but also meet yours. There is something for both parties to learn in learning to wait. I almost never say no (though that would be ok too) but o often say “in a minute” or something similar. He is learning to wait and I am learning to honor my own needs. So much of parenting is a journey, and this is the next step in mine.