Don’t Blink

Last year on February 28 around 4:30 in the afternoon I experienced a placental abruption in my 36th week of pregnancy with my third child.  I had no idea that was what was going on as I felt a warm gush and looked down to find only blood and rushed to the hospital.  Luckily the bleeding slowed and allowed for an induced vaginal delivery early in the morning on March 3.

My baby is turning 1.

I love all of my children dearly.  They are all very special to me for different reasons.  Meredith has kept me on her toes for the last 360 some odd days.  Born early, she came blazing into this world at 7 pounds 7 ounces.  She was big for her gestational age but so very small for my babies (the prior two were 8.11 and 9.14 respectively).  She had blonde baby fuzz, big blue eyes, and tiny little fingers.  She smelled like strawberries to me.  We had a special bond immediately.  My birth was traumatic and it made me appreciate her even more than I dreamed possible.

Each day since then our bond has grown stronger.  She is a firecracker, doing it all her own way on her own time.  She defies guidelines and doesn’t care.  She has remained my smallest child, only putting on roughly 10 pounds since birth and earning her nickname of “shrimpy” by growing to just 27 inches by a year old.  She is small in stature but mighty in personality.  She is full of joy, love, and light.

You’d think I’d be used to this by now, I have experienced two first birthdays already.  You’d think the sadness would lessen each time, but it has only intensified.  As each baby reaches this milestone, I inch closer to being done with the baby years.  My heart isn’t ready for that.

I’ve been nursing Meredith since birth.  We actually began with donor milk due to some issues with latch and sleepiness.  I feel blessed that I was able to replenish the supply of donor milk that we were so graciously provided and then some.  I pumped for around six months and donated it.  I have latched my sweet baby each day since her birth countless times.  She is no where near done nursing and I am so grateful that I am able to meet her need.  Nursing is still her primary source of nutrition as she isn’t a huge fan of solid food.  She nurses approximately 7-8 times a day and several times during the night still.  As she turns one, I see our breastfeeding relationship lasting for quite some time and I am fine with that.  Nursing my third baby has been easy in some ways; when I encountered issues I was more familiar with the solutions that I was the first two times around.  But each child is different and Meredith has been harder in a lot of ways.  She has many allergies, and has been sick quite frequently so we have struggled with weight gain and loss.

There is something about your baby turning one.  Its a huge milestone.

My baby is turning one.

365 days on this planet.  Smiling.  Loving.  Learning.  Growing.  Exploring.  Changing.

In the blink of an eye she’s gone from a little blob to a little person.

There is sadness about how quickly it all went.  Excitement to see what the future brings.  The benefit of this being my third child to cross this line is that I know the joy that takes place between one and two.  The growth and wonder that happen every single day.

One is bittersweet.  Its a reminder of how fleeting childhood really is.  Each day feels so very long but the year has gone by in the blink of an eye.

She will never be an infant again.  So many first happen in these first 365 days of life.

The first time she latched.  The first time she smiled at me.  The first time she giggled at her brother.  The first time she rolled over.  The first time she tried solid food.  The first time she reached out for daddy.  The first time she pushed up on all fours.  The first time she sat up without falling over.  The firsts are endless.  I know there are many more to come.  Bittersweet.

She will always be my baby, but never be a baby again.  I know from experience that eventually they stop nursing.  They stop asking to be held.  They stop wanting to snuggle to sleep.  They eventually grow and find their own way; their own interests.  I am going to soak up every minute.  Its fleeting and it passes in the blink of an eye.

Happy Birthday Meredith Cecelia Rebecca Patrick.  I love you.  My girly.  My sidekick.  My snuggle buddy.  My Merebabes.  You are joy and love and bravery like I’ve never known.  Grow, reach, learn.  But always know that mommy is here and I will love you forever.