Dear Child

One day I will tell you my story. I will tell you the story of a girl who was hurt and abandoned. The tale of a child who wasn’t quite sure who she was who grew into a young adult that hated everything she had been taught about herself. I will tell you a muted version of the abuse that I suffered. I won’t tell you this story to frighten you or overwhelm you, I will tell you this story because it is part of your story. It helped shape who I am which in turn has helped to shape how I parent you each day. I will tell you this story so you know who I am, where I came from, and what I overcame to be the woman I am today.

But today I want to tell you a different story. I want to tell you to love yourself, no matter what. I want to tell you that you are strong, smart, inventive, energetic, and beautiful. The way you look and the shape of your body isn’t what makes you any of these things.

You run without fear. Your wild curls bounce in the breeze and you laugh wildly not caring who is around or what they are thinking. You are full of energy and light. Your spirit is all fire and giggle. You question everything, sometimes much to my annoyance. You want to soak in every bit of information that you possibly can. Your big blue eyes take in everything. They remember everything. You are kind and compassionate towards others and towards yourself. You look in the mirror each day and talk to yourself about how pretty your smile and hair is; things that strangers compliment you on frequently. You have self-esteem for miles, confidence that I only wish I had, and a air about you that just draws other people in.

You love, without fear. You have never been hurt so you don’t have a guard. Dear child I hope that you are able to keep that as you grow. I hope that I give you a solid foundation so you know that no matter what happens in life, you always have a safe place to land. I hope that my parenting is enough. Enough to overcome the pain that will inevitably occur throughout your life. I wish I could protect you from everything but the reality is that I can’t and one day you will experience some pain. Your personality is so resilient and strong and I pray everyday that you keep these traits.

Your body is a beautiful temple. It is yours and yours alone. No one can touch you without your consent. Your dad and I try to model this to you in our actions; if you don’t want to hug someone you don’t have to. If you say stop when we are tickling, we will always stop. You are in control. You never have to give any piece of yourself to anyone for any reason other than you want to. Its your choice and you are in control, at all times.

Your body is not who you are. Your shape, weight, size, and features do not define you. You may, one day, hear others speaking badly about their own bodies and think this is how you should feel. It is not. Your body carries you through your day, but it does not make you who you are. You are beautiful because of what you do and who you are, not what you look like. I took 15 long years to come to peace with my body after spending a vast majority of that time trying to destroy it. I will tell you this tale so you know what not to do. Break the cycle. Be the change. Love yourself, for who you are not what you look like. You have a confidence that is rare these days, I will do everything in my power to help you keep that.

So eat the ice cream. Go on the trip that scares you. Date the person you are attracted to despite what anyone else may think. Exercise because you love it, not to change anything about yourself. Study the thing that excites you, not the thing that may make you the most money. Choose a career that makes you happy and fulfilled. Sing loudly and don’t pay any mind to anyone who tells you any differently. Take on the world. Shout loudly about the things that matter to you. Don’t hold your tongue for anyone. Say it like you see it. Say yes, say no. Consent only comes from you. Cry, tears heal. Feel. Allow yourself to be whatever you are at any given moment. Be who you are and don’t ever feel like you need to apologize for it. Love your body. Love who you are. Love what you are. Just be, in every moment, no matter what. Remember who you are and what you came from and don’t ever let anyone tell you its wrong. Be different, be the same, be whatever makes you happy.

Dear child, someday you will know that the woman who raised you is an incredible human being. Someday you will know that the woman you call mama didn’t have the best mama growing up. Someday you will know that I was left, hurt, and scarred. And someday you will know how I overcame. You will know that I spent every day making your life different than mine was. You will know that I struggled, every day to continue to break cycles that were deeply ingrained in me. You will know that I messed up sometimes but I never for a second forgot how much I love you and how much I want you to be happy. To grow with confidence, surrounded by love. Someday you will know that some days every hug was an effort, I felt touched out frequently, and I feared almost every hour that I was somehow messing you up. And someday you will know that I did my best, just as my mom did. Except I did better. I am better. And because of me, you will be better.

Love,

Mama