Fueling Your Body for Parenthood after an Eating Disorder

Nursing an infant or child comes with many challenges. Supply can be an issue. Pumping. Privacy concerns. Incorrect latch. Tongue tie. Sensitivities. I could go on and on.

Some challenges are not so common. Breastfeeding during or after recovery from an eating disorder presents a whole host of challenges that I think many of us struggle with but are rarely talked about.

For those who struggled with anorexia or restricting behaviors, the caloric requirements of breastfeeding can be difficult to meet. For those who have struggled with binging behaviors making food choices can feel overwhelming.

My journey with breastfeeding after an eating disorder has been difficult at best. When my daughter was born, I had many emotional reactions to breastfeeding but the sheer act of taking enough calories to sustain my supply was also a challenge some days. I found myself immediately eager to get back to my pre baby body (a myth which I now know is basically impossible) and my food choices reflected this goal. I told myself I was too busy, the baby was too needy, and became obsessed with taking in only the minimum amount of calories to sustain my supply.

After a few months of this, I wound up exhausted, hungry, and frustrated with my lack of weight loss. I was under the assumption that every woman who decides to breastfeed would lose weight quickly as easily and that was not the case for me. Nine months of hyperemesis had ravaged my body and I found my weight ballooning. No matter how little I ate, my body held onto every morsel like it may be it’s last. My mood suffered, my anxiety about the situation soared, and I found myself turning to old destructive behaviors to cope.

After several months of obsessive behaviors, I finally sought out help. I realized that while my supply was plentiful, my body and emotional state were suffering. I wasn’t fueling my body well enough to support my own needs let alone another human beings. I worked extensively with both a nutritionist and therapist to reclaim my body and get my health back on track.

Deciding to seek help required one important step: I had to decide I was worth it. I had to decide that my daughter was incredibly important but I wasn’t able to be the best mother I can be without putting some of my news first. I began fueling my body with foods that I both liked and wanted that made me feel good regardless of what the scale said. I found my energy soared, my mood improved, my anxiety decreased, and my engagement with others increased. My world became focused on my family and not my body and I found joy in being a mother. I appreciated my body and what it was able to do instead of what it looked like. I left my medical help to medical professionals and trusted others to help guide me, just as I had when I was recovering from the depth of my eating disorder.

I am now expecting my third child and I’d be lying if I said that old thoughts don’t creep into my mind. My body has changed significantly and I have had to come to terms with that. I reach into my toolbox frequently, both those I learned during initial recovery and those I learned in my post partum period to keep myself on track. Providing proper fuel to my body is beneficial to myself and my children. It is my hope that my habits will continue to model healthy behavior to my children and they can avoid some of the struggles with food and nutrition that I have faced.

Fueling your body for breastfeeding and parenting in general can be very difficult. The demands of being a parent are many and time is fleeting. Proper support is essential for those who have struggled with eating disorders or disordered eating in the past to ensure that they follow a healthy path during pregnancy and after delivery. It’s hard but with proper support and acknowledging the difficulty, it can be done.