I Resolve

January First.

My Facebook feed is filled with countless New Years resolutions. “This year I’ll land a new job” “This year I’ll volunteer more” “This year I’ll spend less time on social media”

All common and admirable goals. But the most common that I see is “this year I’ll lose 30 pounds and eat better.”

Rewind 8 years. I was 24 years old. 6 months removed from a 4 month hospital stay for an eating disorder that nearly killed me on multiple occasions. For several months I did alright, played by the rules, ate my food and played the part. By January first, however, I had a new goal: lose 40 pounds, no matter what it takes. My “resolution” was secret, but I was surrounded by people with the same goals for the new year. It was accepted and supported.

Two months later a combination of things including my extremely poor health landed me in ICU and lead to a months long path of self discovery and recovery. It wasn’t perfect and I fell a lot but I was able to pull myself out with the help of many programs and supportive people.

Today I am a mother of two and pregnant with my third child due in a little under three months. I would be lying if I told you that some part of my “goals” for this year didn’t include weight loss, but it’s not the focus anymore.

This year I resolve to surround myself in love. Peace starts at home. I resolve to raise loving and tolerant children who will accept all despite the messages we are constantly bombarded with by society.

I resolve to continue the path I have been forging for years. I will listen to my body, feed it when it’s hungry, stop when it’s full, and fuel myself to tackle the important things in life. I will be a model of healthy and happy eating for my children. I will not speak negatively about my weight, body, or shape in front of my children. I will praise their strength and brains rather than their beauty. They are beautiful and gorgeous but they are so much more than that and I always resolve to make that my focus.

I resolve to appreciate what I have, not yearn for what I don’t. I may not have it all, but I have a lot to be joyful about. I resolve to find something to be thankful for each day. I resolve to work towards better while taking pride in my current situation and the work it took to get here.

Resolutions can be blown off, forgotten within weeks, or they can be powerful reminders of how wonderful life truly is. I am choosing to turn my resolutions into something positive. 8 years ago my resolution almost killed me. Now, my resolve will be the thing that brings me joy each day. My body size is one extremely small part of my life. My happiness, health, children, husband, friends, family, and actives deserve to be the focus of my energy and positive resolutions.