Parenting during a Crisis
Posts about the current pandemic situation bombard our social media feed every day. Now in addition we also have posts about racial and ethnic equality. It’s overwhelming. Today alone I’ve seen three blog posts about how to be the best parent during this pandemic but many of them seem to sugarcoat the reality that is parenting during a crisis situation. It doesn’t matter if the crisis is the pandemic, riots and protests, or something else. Life is hard right now. There are many unknowns and many of our supports that we are used to having are unavailable (for example in person coffee dates with friends.) This post isn’t meant to be like the others though. I don’t want to talk about how to be the best parent right now – we are all doing the best we can. What I do want to talk about is reality. The reality about how hard being a parent is right now. I want you to know that you aren’t alone and that it’s OK to be struggling.
Right now, my priority is survival. Parenting a 4 year old and an infant is hard even under “normal” circumstances and right now we are pretty far from normal. When we make it to the end of the day and both kids are fed, healthy, and moderately happy – I count it as a win – even if the rest of the day was a total disaster. It doesn’t feel great to get through our days like this but it’s made me really consider what is most important. A few different people lately have mentioned that I seem to really have it all together which is hilarious because the truth is so far from that. The truth is that I’ve gotten fairly good at hiding how much I’m struggling and it’s only been recently that I’ve allowed a few close friends to see some of the cracks in my armor. So I’m trying something new and I’m going to be very real in this post. At the risk of being judged for my choices and parenting abilities I want to share with you what our days look right now. Why? Because by allowing myself to be a little more vulnerable, I hope to show other moms who are struggling that they aren’t alone.
Mornings are a mess. I’m not a morning person to begin with. Throw in a baby who is hangry and a 4 year old who loves mornings and has a new fiercely independent streak and there’s bound to be problems. Fortunately, my husband has been helping me by feeding the older kiddo in the morning while I nurse his brother but our mornings are still a hot mess and if we have anywhere we need to be I can pretty much promise you that I’ll be late. Is that still fashionable these days? I have THAT down to a science (haha – insert facepalm here!)
Next comes the struggle to plan activities for the day which don’t include my older son being sucked into the television or some other screen ALL DAY. Both boys want my undivided attention and hate being left alone for more than five minutes at a time and I feel like I need at least 3 of myself – one to entertain each kid and a third to accomplish the ever growing list of chores. My house looks like a hurricane it between my kids and a few half started projects that I haven’t managed to finish.
Zoom calls are great in theory but in practice sometimes feel cold and impersonal. The kids don’t have enough patience to sit still for them and I end up becoming a human jungle gym. I have to spend most of the calls with the “mute button” on because my children are either screaming or won’t stop trying to say “Hello.” I’m sure it looks like the monkeys are running the zoo. My older son wants to know why we can’t meet in person and wants to know when the germs will go away. I wish I had better answers for him. Sometimes the trouble is more than the human interaction is worth but it feels lonely not to try at all.
I also yell a lot. I’m tired and frustrated by pretty much everything and I am the first to admit that my patience is in short supply. I’m working on better forms of coping with the stress that our current situation is creating but it’s a work in progress and some days are better than others. I feel guilt over yelling at my kids and my husband but each day is a new chance to try to do better than the day before.
My mental health was starting to take a real nosedive so I made the decision to send my older son back to preschool despite the public schools still being closed. No judgement please. I needed this to protect my sanity.
With my older child back at school I have a few hours a few times a week to do virtual physical therapy appointments with the baby and to gather my wits before launching into afternoon survival 101. Haha. Lunchtime is like a 3 ring circus and I am barely passing this crash course in ultimate mom multi-talking. Making lunch for the 4 year old and my husband while nursing the baby and trying not to lose my cool is no easy task but most days I make it work. That’s not to say that it doesn’t usually include tears or tantrums though.
We are also trying to enforce nap time after lunch because a tired preschooler is a little kid with teenage level sass. Sometimes nap consists of quiet solo play in my son’s bedroom instead. Some days it’s just not worth the fight.
Although I feel like I should have more time to make dinner – most nights consist of something my husband can throw on the grill, takeout, or frozen pizza. I’m not proud of this but it’s all I can handle right now and you know what? That’s OK. I might not be winning mother of the year for meeting my kids’ nutritional needs but at least we are making a lot of fun memories of pizza and movie nights in the living room right?
Wherever you are and however you are surviving right now please try to give yourself some grace. I know this is easier said than done because I feel guilty about how we doing every day. I’m trying to maintain some perspective and remind myself that this too eventually will pass and that we will all come out on the other side stronger mamas with some crazy stories to tell. Stay Strong Mamas.
Image Courtesy of: ktmoradio.com/